How often has this happened to you that you may have felt responsible for the things or people's feelings around you? How often have you found yourself blaming and shaming yourself for not being good enough? Guilt and Shame are powerful emotions that can significantly impact our mental health and well-being.
As a trauma-informed therapist, I often encounter clients struggling with these emotions, which can be deeply rooted in past experiences and traumatic events. Utilizing modalities such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and somatic psychotherapy, I aim to help clients navigate and heal from these feelings.
Understanding Guilt and Shame
Guilt and shame, though often used interchangeably, are distinct emotions with different implications for our mental health:
Guilt: Guilt arises when we feel that we have done something wrong or violated our moral or ethical standards. It is associated with a specific behaviour and can be a motivating force for positive change and making amends. As Brené Brown puts it, "Guilt says, 'I did something bad.'"
Identifying Guilt:
Remorseful thoughts: “I shouldn’t have said that,” “I feel terrible for hurting them.”
Desire for restitution: Apologizing, making amends, taking responsibility for actions.
Inner conflict: Balancing guilt with self-forgiveness and learning from mistakes.
Shame: Shame, on the other hand, is a more pervasive and debilitating emotion. It involves a negative evaluation of the self, leading to feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy. Unlike guilt, which is linked to actions, shame is tied to our identity and self-concept. Shame makes us feel that something is inherently wrong with us, that we are fundamentally flawed or unworthy. It can stem from internalized beliefs, past traumas, or societal expectations. or in the words of Brown ,"Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging" (Brown, 2012)." Brown further explains that, "Shame says, 'I am bad.'"
Recognizing Shame:
Self-critical thoughts: “I’m so stupid,” “I always mess things up", I am a bad person”, "I am not good enough."
Physical sensations: Tightness in the chest, flushing, avoiding eye contact.
Behavioral patterns: Withdrawing from social situations, overcompensating to seek approval.
The Impact of Guilt and Shame
Guilt and shame can affect us in numerous ways, influencing our behaviour, relationships, and overall mental health:
Behavioral Impact: Guilt can lead to self-reflection and corrective actions, but it can also result in rumination and self-criticism if not addressed. Shame, being more pervasive, often leads to avoidance, withdrawal, and a sense of disconnection from others.
Relationships: Both emotions can strain our relationships. Guilt might push us to seek forgiveness and reconciliation, while shame can create barriers to intimacy and trust, as we fear being judged or rejected. Brown notes, "Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change."
Mental Health: Persistent guilt and shame are linked to various mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. These emotions can also exacerbate the symptoms of trauma, making it difficult for individuals to heal and move forward. Research shows that "shame is associated with a range of psychological disorders, including depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and PTSD" (Kim et al., 2011).
Therapeutic Approaches to Address Guilt and Shame
As a trauma-informed therapist, I integrate EMDR and somatic psychotherapy to help clients process and heal from guilt and shame:
EMDR: EMDR is an evidence-based therapy that helps individuals process traumatic memories and the associated emotions. By using bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements, EMDR can desensitize and reprocess traumatic experiences, reducing the intensity of guilt and shame linked to these memories. A study by Shapiro (2014) found that "EMDR therapy can significantly reduce symptoms of PTSD, which often include feelings of guilt and shame."
Somatic Psychotherapy: This approach focuses on the connection between the mind and body, recognizing that traumatic experiences and emotions are often stored in the body. Through somatic techniques, clients learn to become aware of and release physical tension and stress associated with guilt and shame. This body-oriented therapy helps in grounding and integrating emotional experiences, fostering a sense of safety and self-compassion. According to Ogden et al. (2006), "Somatic experiencing can help individuals release stored traumatic energy and build resilience against future stressors."
Healing from Guilt and Shame
Healing from guilt and shame is a journey that involves self-compassion, vulnerability, and connection:
Self-Compassion: Practicing self-compassion involves treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, recognizing our common humanity, and being mindful of our emotions. This helps to counteract the harsh self-judgment associated with shame. Brown emphasizes, "Self-compassion is critical for building resilience against shame."
Vulnerability: Embracing vulnerability, as Brené Brown advocates, allows us to connect with others on a deeper level. Sharing our experiences and emotions with trusted individuals can reduce the sense of isolation and foster healing. Brown asserts, "Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome."
Connection: Building supportive relationships and engaging in community can provide a sense of belonging and acceptance, countering the isolating effects of guilt and shame. Research supports the idea that "social support can buffer the negative effects of shame on mental health" (Cohen & Wills, 1985).
Practical tools to heal from guilt and shame are:
Self-Compassion Meditation: Engage in guided meditations focused on cultivating self-compassion.
Compassionate Self-Talk: Practice speaking to yourself with kindness and understanding, especially when feeling guilty or ashamed.
Journaling: Write about your feelings and experiences without judgment. Reflect on moments of self-compassion and times when you have forgiven yourself.
Grounding Exercises: Techniques such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or the 5-4-3-2-1 technique can help you stay grounded and connected to the present moment.
Cognitive Restructuring: Challenge and reframe negative thoughts associated with guilt and shame. Identify cognitive distortions and replace them with balanced perspectives.
Safe/Calm Place Visualization: Use visualization techniques to create a mental safe haven where you can retreat during moments of intense guilt or shame.
Body Awareness Exercises: Practice tuning into your body's sensations and noticing where you feel tension or discomfort.
Movement Therapy: Engage in activities that involve movement, such as yoga, tai chi, or dance, to help release stored tension and promote emotional release.
Share with Trusted Individuals: Open up to trusted friends, family members, or support groups about your feelings of guilt and shame.
Therapeutic Support: Consider seeking professional help from a therapist trained in EMDR, somatic therapy, or other trauma-informed approaches.
Writing and Storytelling: Write stories, poetry, or letters (that you may or may not send) to process and externalize your feelings.
Gratitude Journaling: Regularly write down things you are grateful for, which can shift your focus from self-criticism to appreciation.
Daily Affirmations: Create and repeat positive affirmations to reinforce self-worth and counteract negative self-perceptions.
By incorporating these practical tools into your daily life, you can gradually heal from the wounds of guilt and shame, fostering a sense of self-acceptance and emotional resilience.
Conclusion
Understanding and addressing guilt and shame is crucial for mental health and well-being. As a trauma-informed therapist utilizing EMDR and somatic psychotherapy, I strive to help clients process these emotions and heal from their past experiences. Inspired by Brené Brown's work, I encourage individuals to practice self-compassion, embrace vulnerability, and seek connection as they navigate their healing journey. If you or someone you know is struggling with guilt and shame, remember that help is available, and healing is possible.
For more information or to schedule a consultation, please contact our office. Together, we can work towards a life of greater self-acceptance and emotional well-being. Remember, healing is a journey, and it is essential to be patient and compassionate with yourself throughout the process.
References
Brown, B. (2012). The Gift of Therapy.
Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 98(2), 310-357.
Kim, S., Thibodeau, R., & Jorgensen, R. S. (2011). Shame, guilt, and depressive symptoms: A meta-analytic review. Psychological Bulletin, 137(1), 68-96.
Ogden, P., Minton, K., & Pain, C. (2006). Trauma and the Body: A Sensorimotor Approach to Psychotherapy. W. W. Norton & Company.
Shapiro, F. (2014). Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy, Third Edition: Basic Principles, Protocols, and Procedures. Guilford Publications.
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Very informative and helpful article!